Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
