I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
