I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Farmville is her only friend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
