But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
