She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
two words...techno handjob
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
