We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
