I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
