my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
