Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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