Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am naked and annoyed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
