Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize