new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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