i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
