He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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