I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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