oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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