I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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