Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
