evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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