pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
