google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
