So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
