and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
