she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
