I could have mohawked her pubes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
