if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
