Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
