can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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