RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
