I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
