Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
