tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
