you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
