I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
