well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
