Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
