We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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