my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
