you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
