yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
