is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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