fuck your aforementioned shoe
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
