they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
