I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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