If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
