i don't like sucking hair
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize