were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
