true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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