More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
