My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
