we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
