the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
