ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
