No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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