My balls are so social today.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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