AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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