He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
