oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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