Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
