She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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