are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
