Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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