and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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