i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
