nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
